


Kiss it to Death

by Lionesskeeper



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Drinking, F/M, Fluff, Friendship/Love, Ghosts, Kissing, Slow Burn, drunk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-30
Updated: 2016-02-22
Packaged: 2018-04-28 21:38:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5106626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lionesskeeper/pseuds/Lionesskeeper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes the answers are right in front of you the whole time.<br/>Sometimes mistakes are made.<br/>Sometimes you just choose not to forget.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Spectre

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Do not own Doctor Who.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor contemplates kissing and his growing feelings for his small human friend.
> 
> (OK, the first chapter doesn't have snogging between Twelve and Clara. But it's a comin'. Oh it's a comin' ;) )

When he looked back many factors had exasperated his current condition. There was Marian kissing him on cheek, the events in St. Paul's Cathedral where Missy full on snogged him and then Clara kissing him on the cheek at Christmas. They had a few adventures together after that.

Then the events on Skaro happened, he did what always did. He ran, ran away from her and from what he did on Skaro. He needed first to drop of something to an old friend. He found himself at alarm when he got the message, Davros remembered. He dropped the confession dial off with Ohila but Colony Sarrf had caught up with him. Luckily Ohila covered for him, in return he told her what had happened. Mercifully he got away with just a scolding from Ohila and having him promise to fix what he had done somehow. He found himself in 1138AD. He started to meditate, however this proved to be difficult. Originally he had hoped to be left alone, but he befriended a local called Bors. Well befriended was being a bit generous, he had in fact just got rid of a splinter. Since then the kind hearted pudding brain had insisted that he had saved him and was determined to stay by his side. Unlike other times, the Doctor didn't protest at this new found companionship, he was a little lonely. He would have loved if Clara could join him, but he couldn't chance it. Whatever about getting captured himself, he could not lose her again. There was no point in denying it any longer, he was quite besotted with her. His stubborn side warned against him getting in too deep, but he decided that she was worth getting his hearts broken over. If he survived his encounter with Davros he would let her know that somehow. It was becoming increasingly obvious to him as time went on that meditation was going to be impossible for him. Every time he closed his eyes he replayed that moment that she kissed him on the cheek at Christmas. He took a drink of water, that was it, there was something wrong with the water. It had to be the water...not him.  
He was fine.

He got the villagers to help him to dig a well,and went about finding the right spot for it. On the twelfth day they finally constructed it, only to be told by him that what was needed was a visitor centre. Maybe he was procrastinating, he must have always been that way, he would be late for his own funeral if he could. This was increasingly the case after Trenzalore.  
Seventeen days in as he was practicing some magic tricks, Bors told him that they had finally reached an agreement on the visitor centre.  
"What is it you dread?" Bors asked him.  
"Why would I dread anything?" he replied lightly.  
"You're always making jokes, you're never sitting still.You're like a man in fear of days to come" Bors told him.  
That hit him like a lead balloon.  
"I thought you were an idiot" he retorted.  
"I know, I thought that too" Bors replied.  
He smiled.  
"Good. I was worried that I would have to break it to you" he replied.

A little later he settled and informed Bors that it would be his last night before he left. Bors was a bit taken aback by this. After days of following him on his fool errands, the man was actually going to meditate. Though not in a way that Bors could recognised.

 _Sometimes in the last few days in the early light, he would visit the Doctor who would be sleeping._  
_He was sure that the man was, even though when he was awake he would vehemently deny that he was. The proof came one of the mornings after the Doctor first saved his life. He came in to check on him and see how he was. He was sitting in the middle of the circle he had created, Bors finally thought that The Doctor had done it and that he was actually meditating._  
Until he heard the snores.  
Bors looked bemused at The Doctor for a moment before quietly going to the fire to light it.  
The Doctor started, but didn't wake up. Instead he started to whispered a bit.  
Bors couldn't make out what he had been saying so he moved a bit closer.  
Then the Doctor spoke again.One word.  
**"Clara"** he whispered.  
He started to stir, his face grimaced.  
**"Clara"** he mumbled again more audible than before.  
**"CLARA!!!"** he shouted as he woke on the spot with a start.  
This caught Bors by surprise and he jumped banging his head on the lentil.  
"Ow!" Bors exclaimed before giving The Doctor a withering look.  
The Doctor looked around _disoriented before he realised where he was._  
_He noticed Bors looking at him cautiously._  
_"How long have you been here?" the Doctor asked angrily._  
_"Long enough" Bors replied brazenly standing his ground._  
_The Doctor's stare hardened before he sighed out exasperated. He looked up defeated at him._  
_"Who is she?" Bors asked him._  
" _My friend, my best friend actually. There since before I got this face" the Doctor told him._  
Bors looked at him confused.  
"Oh right, yes. Well let me rephrase that, she was there since the beginning" he replied wistfully.  
_"She means alot to you" Bors observed._  
_"More than I am willing to admit to her" the Doctor replied adding "But enough about that, how goes plans for the visitor centre..."_

"Are you sure?" Bors asked him now.  
"I've been avoiding it. One last night and then I have to go" he told his friend.  
"You wish to be alone?" Bors asked him.  
"I have to prepare myself" he replied. Starting to arrange his room to start his meditation.  
"But why, you never explained" Bors asked him.  
"I did something wrong, I let somebody down when I should have been brave enough and strong enough to do better. Tomorrow I pay the price, tonight I make myself ready." he told Bors before starting into his calculations.  
Bors held out his hand, the Doctor's attention shifted from the floor where he had started writing his calculations to the man in front of him.  
"Goodbye magician, you have widened my mind." Bors told him.  
He stood up and regarded Bors.  
"You do realise you're still an idiot." he told him. If Clara was with him now, she would tell him he was rude.  
"Yeah" Bors replied simply.  
"Good. I have to be quiet now. Quiet as the grave." he told his friend.  
"I do not believe you are capable of silence." Bors whispered to him.  
"Oh, oh well we'll see about that won't we." he replied going back to his work.  
"We shall Sir Doctor" Bor replied,bowing before taking his leave.

He was alone again. He hated being alone. As if on cue his mind betrayed him and there she was again.  
His Clara, sitting on the ledge of the window in front of him.  
" _Y'know if you really want to see me again one last time, I'm only a TARDIS ride away"_ the spectre of Clara told him swinging her legs back and forth at the window she sat at.  
"No more distractions, focus. No more distractions..." he told himself clamping his eyes shut. Ignoring what his imagination had conjured up for him in that moment.  
" _You never know, I might welcome you with open arms. Even kiss you, maybe more"_ the spectre teased.  
"Bors!" he shouted out.  
Bors came running up to him. The spectre disappeared.  
Good.  
"Are you any good with a broadsword?" he asked Bors.  
"Yes" Bors replied.  
"Fancy a friendly." he asked his friend.  
"Enough magician! I do not believe that you will meditate, it's not in your nature. If this is to be your last night here then we shall celebrate. There shall be revels. But first..." Bors told him.  
"First?" he replied puzzledly.  
"Tell me your story. Tell me how you came to this place and why now you feel compelled to leave it." Bor told him adding "I will not depart this room until you do so."  
"I suppose I do owe you." he told his friend.  
"You do. You also know that you owe me too." the spectre of Clara was back.  
"I served you loyally Sir Doctor." Bors replied confidently.  
"Yes. Yes you have." he replied, ignoring the spectre.  
"Then begin your tale" Bors told him.  
" _I won't like it y'know if you don't tell me. Just trust me, I might surprise you"_ the spectre told him before disappearing.  
He sighed and smiled wistfully for a moment.  
"Ah well, a little while ago. A very long way from here, I was looking for a bookshop. Instead I found a battlefield.The story of my life." he told Bors.  
He walked towards the window, remembering.  
"I've seen many battlefields. This one would be different. This one would be my last." he told his friend.

He continued to tell his tale to Bors and afterwards the man utterly convinced him to have a party. He relented. He even slept a bit. Clara was there, but he was also joined by his other selves. Well he was never one for convention, perhaps this way he wouldn't feel so alone in his final hours. He feasted and partied, time stood still. At times when he was taking one of his cat naps, he would meet with some of previous selves in his mind. She would be there laughing and joking with all of them.He had to admit that he felt a bit out of place and a little bit jealous of them all. They all seemed to grab her attention, whether it be with playing a recorder, doing karate moves, the sword play or playing the spoons, he couldn't get his Clara's attention. So he would sit in the corner and mope until he was brought back to reality.

The last straw came one of the times he was taking a cat nap, he had just finished making his sonic sunglasses. When in the dream, he pointed hopefully at his sonic glasses. She started to move towards him when to his abject horror a hand grabbed her and pulled her in the opposite direction straight into the arms of the floppy haired bow tied fez wearing idiot he had been in his last life. The two started dancing as he watched jealously. She reached out and put her hand to his cheek and placed a kiss there before his bow tied self pulled her into a hug. He just stormed off.

He woke up.  
"Right, that's it" he found himself saying before trudging towards his wardrobe. On the way, the music room caught his eye. It had disappeared in his last two regenerations when the TARDIS had changed. Yet now it stood right next to the wardrobe. He went inside and immediately his eye was drawn to something in the room. He picked it up and played it. Yes, that would do nicely. He walked back to the console room and relaxed enough in his chair until he fell asleep.  
He dreamt that she was hanging around that idiot with the fez and the bow tie again. He stared at her at the end of the room until her gaze slipped from his eleventh self to him. He stood up from where he was sitting and strummed the first chords of 'Pretty Woman'. Her attention shifted to him, she looked over at him and regarded him curiously before she smiled. All of his other selves melted into the background.

She was with him totally now. All his. None of his other selves got in the way. He would just strum his guitar and she would stay with him. Some of the times he even relented and wore a scarf and sometimes he even wore a bow tie for her, she always stayed. He wondered whether the real Cara would ever do the same, but he quickly dismissed that thought.  
Then one day time he was playing and she didn't appear to him. He searched all over for her.  
Bors joined him in the middle of his searching.  
"Ah, Sir Doctor. What have you planned for the crowd today?" Bors asked him.  
"Today! Bors it's only been a few hours, try to keep up" he told his friend.  
"It's not...oh never mind. So what have you planned" Bors sighed exasperatedly.  
"I was thinking of an axe fight" he told his friend.  
"Excellent, I shall get the audience ready for tonight." Bors told him.  
"There you go with the night thing again Bors. What did I tell you" he told his friend who just shook his head and left him.  
"Ah, an axe fight" he said to himself picking up his guitar and regarding it with a small smile before adding "That should bring her back to me"

He didn't remember how he had managed to acquire the tank he was standing on. He didn't really care anymore. He felt more like himself than he had done in the last full year that he had regenerated. Maybe even one day he could remember where he got his face from. Now, he just wanted to see his Clara again, just maybe for one last time. She may be only a spectre and the real Clara was out there somewhere. But at least that spectre was his and his alone. He started to play and look around the arena amongst the crowds to spot her, see her smile at him but nothing. After playing for a bit and playing for the crowd. By the end, he was a bit exasperated with the fact that no one got his joke. Although this did give him the time that he needed to scan the crowd for Clara but no luck.

"What's the matter with him? He's never like this" he heard the voice of Clara speak.  
Wait a minute, she hadn't spoken since that night he tried to meditate. He looked up and pushed his glasses low so he could see. It was Clara, the real Clara with Missy.  
"Oh, you really are new aren't you." he heard Missy say.  
Everything and everyone melted away, all he saw was her. It was his Clara, his real Clara. Not some spectre that his mind had conjured up. His gaze never left her.  
"Hang on did he just hear that? He doesn't know we're here does he?" he heard her say as she turned to Missy.  
Should he play his guitar. Would it even work on her like it did with her spectre. Now is your chance do it, play for her. You will always regret not doing it if you don't. What would he play for her? He thought of what he would play, could he play it. He had to chance it, if she kills him later about it, so be it.  
He starts to play the chords of pretty woman, still keeping his gaze on his Clara. She looked at him puzzledly for a moment. Ok, maybe he made a mistake.  
Then she smiled a small smile at him which got wider as he continued to play on.

Bors told him he had been there for three weeks. He couldn't believe it.  
He spotted his Clara in the wings.  
After motioning for Missy to join him, he looked over softly at Clara before grinning and pushing up his sunglasses. He watched as she joined him in the middle of the floor.  
"How did you know it was me? Did you see me?" She asked him.  
"When do I not see you" he replied  
"What? One face in all of that crowd" she replied.  
"There was a crowd too?" he said genuinely puzzled.  
"Wow, we're doing charm as well are we. Which one of us is dying?" she asked with a chuckle.  
He stopped and looked at her, she knew. Perhaps told by Missy. A sadness he hadn’t felt in a long time started to build, he didn’t want her to know. It must have started to register on his face as her expression changed to one of worry. Without thinking, he pulled her into a hug, latching onto her protectively.  
She tensed up for a moment before relaxing into the hug.  
“Ok, and we’re doing the hugging now, too. I can’t keep up” he heard her say.  
Oh yes he forgot, he didn’t do that now. He cursed inwardly at how he had allowed his previous selves to influence him over the last three weeks. He had to find some sort of excuse.  
“Well y’know what they say. Hugging is a great way to hide your face” he lied.  
He felt her shake her head before pulling back and looking at him.  
“Ok, look I guessed a party, but not like this. What is this?” she asked him pushing up his sunglasses. ”This isn’t you.”  
“I spent all day yesterday in a bow tie. The day before in a long scarf” he told her pulling down his sunglasses.  
“It’s my party and all of me is invited” he told her.

“ _And all of you, if you want”_ he thought silently.


	2. Before They Went Under

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deals with the aftermath of The Witch's Familiar up until just before Under the Lake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies with being so long getting Chp.2 up. I was writing my NaNoWriMo novel, going to the Doctor Who Festival and I had my graduation. (I was very busy)  
> I also caught a nasty flu which didn't help matters.  
> That's not to say that any chance I got I wrote more of this, so here it is. Chapter 2.

Before They Went Under:

He hadn't realised the depth of his own feelings for his small human until she was cruelly taken from him by the Daleks. He stood there helplessly as she disintegrated in front of his eyes. The fear that he had felt when he saw that it was a trap and the prospect of losing her, the begging. It all gave way to a grief followed closely by rage that built up from his gut. A rage that could tear apart universes in order to see her alive and returned to him. He found himself going over to a table to find something that might help him kill the man who in a split second killed her.He had managed though to damp the urge to kill down enough to allow his cold calculating brain to take over a bit and act as counterbalance to his rage. He found himself going over and looking at a table with discarded pieces of technology and weapons. There on top was a discarded gun.  
He half believed that she wasn’t dead, she couldn’t be. He would know.  
He would destroy the Daleks for what they did to his Clara. If it was indeed true.  
He forced Davros out of his chair.  
He threatened the Daleks, he didn’t care anymore.  
“Ask me what I want” he barked at them.  
“WHAT DO YOU WANT?” Dalek Supreme dared.  
He switched on the communication device on Davros’ chair.  
“Clara Oswald. I want Clara Oswald, safe, alive and returned to me immediately. You Bring her back. You Do that. You Do that now. Unharmed, unhurt, alive”  
“YOUR ASSOCIATE..” Dalek Supreme started to say.  
“I saw what happened. I was there. And I’m hoping that for all of our sakes that it was a trick’ he told them threateningly.  
“IT WAS NOT A DECEPTION” Dalek Supreme replied defiantly.  
“Because if Clara Oswald is really dead. Then you better be very very careful how you tell me” he told them, rage building up in his gut as he continued to speak “Who's going to tell me.Who's going to go first. All the power Davros had is mine.Everything that he had I have.Who's going to tell me Clara Oswald is really dead.”  
“CLARA OSWALD IS NOT ALIVE” Dalek Supreme reiterated.

 

He never went to such lengths for anyone before. When Missy joined him in the infirmary, For the first time he saw a glimmer of hope. If she was still alive then so was his Clara. He had a growing affection that was true for Clara. But the depths to which he felt it surprised even him.  
He looked towards the door in the hopes of seeing her small frame.  
“Where’s Clara?” he asked Missy.  
“Well hello to you too” Missy replied.  
“You’re alive so she is too. Where is she?” he persisted.  
“I’m fine, thanks for asking” Missy retorted.

He ran to try and find a way out and spotted it coming towards him. A lone Dalek.  
“DOCTOR” he heard it say.  
“This city is about to be sucked into the ground. Your own sewer is about to consume you. There is no way that you can win.There is nothing you can do. So just tell me. Where is Clara Oswald?” he asked it.  
“I AM A DALEK” it said proudly.  
“Yes you’re a Dalek. Where is Clara?” he asked it.  
“I AM A DALEK” it replied again.  
“Yes, I know that you are a Dalek. Where is Clara Oswald?” he replied in a more irritated tone.  
“I AM A DALEK, I AM A DALEK!” it said again.  
The Doctor got more exasperated with it.  
“Doctor stop!” he heard Missy say. He turned to her. Curiously,she spoke directly to the Dalek.  
“It’s you. I mean no offence, you all look the same but it is you” Missy said.  
“AFFIRMATIVE” replied the Dalek.  
“Clara’s dead, Doctor. This is the one that killed her” Missy told him. In that instance, his hope shattered.  
“DO NOT LISTEN TO HER. I AM A DALEK. I AM A DALEK!” The Dalek responded looking at him and getting more and more agitated.  
“I got her out of the city, but this one caught us and shot her. There was nothing I could do I’m afraid.” Missy told him. He felt the embers of rage light up again threatening to take over.  
“I AM A DALEK!” It madingley replied again.  
“She ran, she screamed. I’m so glad you didn’t have to see that” Missy continued to say to him. He never broke gaze with the creature in front of him horrified.  
“I AM A DALEK. I AM A DALEK.” It said again.  
“Oh this one’s a mad one isn’t it. It’s almost like it’s proud” he heard Missy say.  
“I AM A DALEK. I AM A DALEK. I AM A DALEK.” It replied. His rage was now burning brightly, he felt it in his gut. He didn't care. He wanted revenge.Missy moved to the back of him and placed the gun in his hand.  
“Kill it Doctor. They’re all gonna die anyway. Indulge yourself, go on. Kill the Dalek.” Missy goaded him on.  
“DO NOT KILL ME. DO NOT KILL ME.” it screamed at him.  
“Is Clara dead?” he told it, staring it down.  
“I AM A DALEK. I AM ALIVE. I AM YOUR ENEMY, YOUR ENEMY.” it replied.  
Angrily he held up the Dalek gun to the Dalek. The Dalek started to move backwards.  
“MERCY, MERCY!” it screeched at him.  
Wait, it shouldn’t say that. Why was it saying that?. Confusion broke through his rage at that moment.  
“You shouldn’t be able to say that.” he told it.  
“MERCY.” it said again.  
“That word shouldn’t exist in your vocabulary. How did Davros teach you to say that?” the Doctor barked at it.  
“MERCY.” it said again.  
The Doctor stood and thought and for the first time spotted it. The Dalek was not firing blindly at him. In fact it was actively pointing its gun away from him.  
“Why aren’t you trying to kill me?” he demanded.  
“MERCY.” it said again.  
“I SHOW MERCY.” it added.  
He looked at Missy briefly in horror, understanding in that instance what the madwoman had done. Clara was inside the Dalek casing.  
“I’m putting the gun down.Open your casing.” he told it.  
“HOW?” it asked desperately.  
“Just think the word Open, it’ll work.”  
The Dalek casing opened and there was his Clara.  
Oh. He was right.  
He felt his rage dissipate the moment he saw her, replaced with a concern. A memory of another time when he was in that exact situation before with her flashed in front of his eyes in tht instance.  
Oswin. Oh, not this again. He felt a sting in his hearts.  
“Oh, now look at that” he heard Missy say. His eyes never left Clara now. The ember of rage that had moments earlier burned brightly lit again briefly.  
“Missy, run” he threatened.  
“Doctor” he heard his Clara say.  
At that the Doctor moved forward, putting the Dalek gun down next to the open casing and leaning in to try and get her out.

Everything was a blur after that, he got her out of the Dalek by some miracle unscathed and led her to where the forcefield of the TARDIS which he promptly used to solidify the TARDIS and fly to safety. After helping the young Davros to safety and heading back in his TARDIS and collecting a very patient Clara. They flew in silence for a few minutes. Both getting lost in her own thoughts.  
“I thought I lost you” he said quietly.  
“What?” she replied.  
“I thought I lost you. I couldn’t do anything but look on as you were exterminated” he told her looking at her with a helpless look on his face.  
She was suddenly around the TARDIS facing him with a concerned look on her face.  
“Hey I didn’t, I’m still here.” she consoled him.  
“But for how long. Clara, you are finite, you will leave or worse die on me. You have been with me almost as long as the TARDIS has through your echoes. I don’t know what I would do without you Impossible girl” he told her.  
“That’s enough of that. If I leave, I leave. But it will be on my terms and my decision when it does actually happen, got that. And that goes as well for if I do die hear me” she told him.  
“Yes boss” he replied with a smirk.  
She gave him a small playful shove.  
“But I still have to talk to you about your reaction to my death mister. We can’t have you reacting like that if ever something does happen to me.” she told him.  
“You heard that did you?” he replied softly.  
“Oh yes, the fury of the Time Lord. I was right underneath with Missy y’know listening. And I don’t want to see you do that again mister.” she told him.  
“We shall see.” he told her before moving away from her and punching in some coordinates.  
“But for now, I think you and I need a break from adventure” he told her looking over sheepishly at her.  
“Where d’you have in mind” she asked curiously.  
“Ah, you’ll have to wait and see” he told her smiling gently.

To tell the truth they both needed this. No matter how uncomfortable it made the Doctor, he was willing to forego his discomfort for her sake. He brought her to Caneri, the party planet, where their day was dark and the night was bright. He tried not to act grumpy in front of her. Watching her be excited by all the spectacle around them cheered him up anyway. It seemed as if the nightmare that they both had experienced was put well behind them both. Night dawned. He watched her marvel at the Canererian locals whose necks obscured her view of the Time Square replica. It wouldn't do, she couldn’t see anything.  
He tried to make some room for her to see but ended up annoying some of the locals as usual. She had to calm them all down. She led him to a nearby stall just in time before anything was said that he would regret. He bought her sunglasses and brought her to a bar nearby. He ordered for them both.

He found when he eventually got back to the table that she had a terrified look on her staring blankly into space.  
“Clara, are you alright?” he asked her concerned.  
“Mmm, what? Oh never better.” she replied, shaking out of her daydream.  
He set the glasses down, sat on the stool and looked at her before looking down.  
“About the whole Dalek thing…I swear Clara, I didn’t know it was you in there” he started.  
She put on one of her smiles.  
“I know Doctor. It’s alright really” she told him.  
“Clara…” he persisted.  
“What?” she said flatly.  
“I always know” he said with a small knowing smile.  
“Know what?” she replied, remembering the words she had said to him when they were alone in the under gallery. A lifetime ago.  
“When you’re not ok.” he replied and looked at her worriedly.  
“I’m ok Doctor” she replied irritatedly before picking up her drink and knocking it back in one before adding angrily “Don’t go ruining it”.  
He went and got more and more drink at the bar.  
And then the inevitable happened, things got out of control. She ended up drunk very quickly. He put it down to her small stature.  
He didn’t intervene, he could do. But he wouldn’t chance it with the mood that she seemed to be in at the moment.  
He watched from the counter as she found herself out on the dancefloor.  
He watched as she started to flirt with some of the Canerian locals.  
The scene in front of him started to irritate him greatly.  
Jealousy started to bubble up from his gut.  
He watched as she started to single out one of them.  
Possessiveness took hold of him, she was here with him. Not some Canarian half his age.  
Right, that was enough. Time to get his Clara.  
He walked up and looked angrily at the guy who seemed to cower and slink away from her.  
Good. Now all that was left was to was to get her away from there.  
"You smell like a brewery, Oswald. I think it's time you get some rest" the Doctor informed her coolly pulling her by her arm away from the crowd.  
She pulled her arm away from him, he turned to face her.  
“No, I’m fine” she slurred before inching closer to him.  
“You’re not, now we’re going” he told her dragging her out of the bar.  
He brought her out at exactly the wrong time, when the new year timer has reached zero.  
Revellers started saying “Happy New Year” to one another and singing ‘Auld Langs Syne’. Some couples were snogging...  
Before he knew where he was going she had grabbed him by the lapels and pulled him down to her level. Their lips crashed against one another. He started flailing his arms at first but all resisting proved useless. He couldn’t deny that he did want her so badly. Wanted this so badly. He spent what seemed like an eternity for him without her and he didn’t like it.He wrapped his arm around her and kissed her passionately.  
The next thing he knew, she was passed out on his shoulder.  
“Ah, perhaps it’s for the best.” he said to himself smiling sadly before picking his small human up and bringing her to the TARDIS. Silently he brought her to her room on the TARDIS,placed her on her bed and covered her with her blanket. He kissed her on the forehead, went to the door and turned off the lights.  
“Goodnight my Clara” he whispered before he left her to dream.

She woke up on the TARDIS the next morning.  
What happened? She didn’t remember anything after the third drink. Her friend Denise was right, she was such a lightweight.  
Then moments flashed in front of her.  
Dancing.  
Being dragged away by The Doctor.  
Kissing the Doctor.  
Oh God.  
She wished the bed would just swallow her up so she didn’t have to face him.  
The faint beginning chords of ‘Pretty Woman’ could be heard in the distance.  
Clara knew that this was one of the signs to know that he was thinking about her, the events at the arena still on her mind.  
She got out and quickly got dressed before following the sound of the guitar to the console room.  
She looked all around the console room in his usual haunts but couldn’t see him.

“Morning sleeping beauty, how’s the head” he called out with a grin.  
She jumped in fright before turning around and looking directly at the Doctor blushing.  
“Fine” she replied.  
A silence developed between the two before the Doctor spoke.  
“Ahem, well I went back this morning before the festivities got underway again and paid the remaining bar tab” he told her, his eyes never leaving her.  
“Ah, about last night…” she started.  
“It’s already forgotten about Clara” he replied softly smiling.  
She smiled back at him.  
The TARDIS suddenly lurched.  
“What was that?” Clara asked.  
“I don’t know, but whatever it is, it is driving the TARDIS off course” he told her.  
All of a sudden the TARDIS stopped.  
The Doctor made his way outside and went to the side of the TARDIS.  
“What’s wrong? You’re not happy. Why aren’t you happy? Tell me” he asked his ship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I cannot ignore the pachyderm in the room. Poor Clara is gone.  
> When I heard the news that Jenna was going I did consider putting that in at the end.  
> Whether I put it in now though and where (if I write it) it will fit in the overall story arc of this series 9(ie, if the Grand Moff retcons the Doctor of his time with Clara, I will have to set it before that if so), you have to wait and see.  
> Also, I had to add a little bit to the piece to what I had originally wrote to reflect what happened in 'Face the Raven'. It tied the episode bit and my original bit quite well I found.
> 
> (Thank you for the kudos and reviews for this story already and your lovely messages. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, one more chapter to go.)


	3. Kiss it to Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Under the lake and Before the Flood forces the Doctor to think about his companion and what she means to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again apologies for only getting this chapter up (gah, I suck :( )  
> Long story short, life needed seeing to and had a bout of writer's block as to how get the characters to the point that I wanted them to be at at the end of the chapter.  
> Anyways, enough about that.  
> Onwards we go.

“My God. Every time I think that it couldn’t get more extraordinary, it surprises me. It’s impossible, it’s evil I hate it it’s astonishing.”

He looked directly at Clara devilishly.

”I want to kiss it to death”

Oh, he said that didn’t he. But before she could properly digest what he had just said alarms started to ring out around them. It was time to run again.

There would be some explaining to do. But not right now, later.

He ran out the door and hoped that Clara wasn’t that far behind him.

She wasn’t however she still was too slow.

The door closed.

“Doctor!” He heard her exclaim.

That was enough for him to go back and help her somehow. If he had only a few minutes before the waters flooded in. However time was not on his side, before the doors closed on the other side he lunged forward onto the floor on the other side, just as the door closed shut behind him.

He didn't spend too long there and got up to look over at her before pressing the button for the intercom.

“I’ll get you and the others out, sit tight I’ll come back for you” he told her.

“Just come over here in the TARDIS now.” She replied.

“The TARDIS won't go there, it won't go near the ghosts.” He told her shrugging apologetically before starting to walk away. He didn't get far.

“You can't just leave us!” He heard her shout. She probably thought that it was going to be like the incident with the clockwork droids back after his regeneration, in hindsight he had to admit to himself that he was a bit of a prat to her back then. He ran back to the porthole, he had to reassure her that it wasn’t like that time. He had changed.

“Listen to me. I’m going back in time to when the spaceship land. If I can find out why this is happening, I can stop them from killing anyone else. I can save you.” He told her.

He looked directly at her, she still had a look of utter fear and panic. 

His hearts dropped. 

Damn, maybe she still doesn’t trust him. Why doesn’t she say anything or do anything to reassure him that she’ll be ok while he was gone.

“You trust me don’t you Clara?” He asked her searching her face for some kind of reassurance.

He placed his hand on the porthole glass and looked intently at her.

_I love you._

She finally nodded and place her hand in the same place as his was.

He took his hand off the glass and turned.

He walked away from her, and with each step he started to feel more and more empty inside. She should be there right beside him, not stuck babysitting two pudding brains. But here he was, despite his discomfort at the situation in hand, there was work to be done. He brought O'Donnell and Bennett to the past to before the dam overflowed. He hadn’t been this far away from her in a while. After what happened on Skaro he had made an extra special effort to stay closer to her. Watching her die on the monitor was too much. He thought that he would be able to manage but the events afterwards proved him wrong.

Here he was though away from her.

He hated it.

 

“NOT WITH ME. Die with whoever comes after me. You do not leave ME” Clara cried out after he told her that he would have to die.

He had to admit that her cry caught him by surprise. Even after all this time that they were travelling together.

“Clara, I need to talk to you just on your own” he told her picking up the nearby phone and walking away from O’Donnell and Bennett. She should know more than anyone else that he was not invincible, why was she suddenly acting like this?

“Listen to me, we all have to face death eventually be it ours or someone else's” He told her quietly consoling her.

“I’m not ready yet. I don’t want to think about that, not yet.” Clara replied defiantly.

“I can’t change what’s already happening. There are rules.” He told her more sternly.

“So break them. And anyway, you owe me. You’ve made yourself essential to me. You’ve given me something else to..to be. and you can’t do that and just die. it’s not fair.” She told him.

There she was, at the end of the phone practically telling him right there that she couldn’t live without him. It was in that moment that he realised that she loved him back. He was always unsure in the past but now, no more.

“Clara” He pleaded with her as he lay on top of the console as he spoke to her, head in hand. In that moment, he wanted desperately to be with her again.

“No. Doctor I don’t care about your rules or your bloody survivor's guilt. If you love me in any way, you'll come back” he heard her say at the other end of the phone.

He did love her, who was he kidding. He would try to get back to her alive. If he could.

 

“Moran, Prichard, Prentis, O'Donnell,Clara,Doctor, Bennett, Cass” she told him.

In that moment, he knew what those names meant and what it would mean if he was unsuccessful, she would die before him.

He had to admit that it was the mention of Clara that had spurred him on. He had to save her life now. Even at his own expense. As long as she was safe,he owed her that. It wouldn’t matter what happened to him after. The TARDIS would bring her home. He trusted her to do that for him. She did it before for him, when he was sure that he would die on Trenzalore. He couldn’t but try to save her life. He cared for her deeply. Hell, he loved his tiny human. The wonder in her eyes, her beaming smile. It took dream crabs at Christmas for him to fully realise the fact that he really needed her in his life. He was rubbish on his own.

The dynamic between them started to shift a bit for the better after that. She started to act around him the same as she did when he had that ridiculous chin. She was the one now acting slightly awkward around him. While he could not stop looking at her. Taking her all in.

It was all a lie before, he could see her. In a sense, he could always see her, she was always there. Encountering Clara Oswald in the past just after he had regenerated made him go into sensory overload. He couldn’t seem to figure her out, he saw all of her for the first time. The memory of her was seared permanently in his hearts, even when she wouldn’t be with him. Even if she died or was taken from him or simply didn’t travel with him anymore.

She mattered though and he found himself unable to think about anyone else when she wasn’t around, no matter how he had tried to ignore her importance to him.

After the events with Missy and Christmas and getting a second chance to travel with her, he made a special effort to get to relearn every smile and every grimace she would make. And look to her to help him in the times when he was socially inept.

She was after all the first face that his face saw. She would always be important to him and she would always matter.

His Clara.

 

For the first time in a long while lying in that casket belonging to the Fisher King, his mind was at rest. Well as much as his own Time Lord mind would let him be anyways. He found himself drifting back to the night she had kissed him on Caneri. Yeah, she was drunk and apart from that, it had been perfect. The feel of her in his arms, the taste of her on his lips. She was the last thing that he thought of as the stasis chamber closed in around him. He hoped his plan was correct. If not, well at least she was alive in the world somewhere. She would be mad with him for dying but at least she would be alive, that was all that mattered.

He hoped that she would think about the happy times they had together instead of his last moments and the sadness connected to it.

His world turned an inky black...

 

...The hiss of the stasis chamber as it opened woke him. The darkness was becoming more and more unbearable for him With each passing minute. But he had to wait until the chamber opened to get out. He hoped that he would see Clara staring back at him, he hoped that she had stayed safe for him. He hoped his plan worked.

Then the casket fully opened and he sat up.

He looked over at her relieved and smirked.

“Don’t kiss me, morning breath” he told her.

Oh God, why did he say that. She’ll be asking him about that and the kiss it to death thing.

He would just have to keep his cool.

He got out of the casket and ran to the control room, the others followed behind.

There was work still to be done.

 

They said their goodbyes and headed back to the TARDIS. Neither of them spoke, the Doctor pressed buttons and levers as they dematerialised.

“So” she said breaking the silence which had developed between them.

“What?” He replied.

“You came back” She told him.

“Yep, it would appear so.” He said looking back at the console screen

“So, you love me.”

“What!?” he exclaimed.

“I said to you, that if you loved me in any other way you would come back and you came back” she replied carefully.

“Ah, so I did.” he acknowledged.

“You listened to me” she replied with a smile.

“Of course I did. i also listened to you when you were drunk on Caneri and talking complete rubbish. And before you kissed me” he told her changing the subject.

"Are you ever going to let me forget about that" she asked him as her smile shifted into a huff.

He moved around the TARDIS console. There was a mischievous glint in his eyes as he leaned in to be at her level. So close. He wanted to reach down and kiss her  in that moment...

No, control yourself Doctor.

"Nope" he replied in a gravelly tone smiling wickedly at her before pulling back quickly and leaving the console room. A smirk still plastered on his face.

 

She couldn't let him go with that.

“Oi, wait a min…” She started to follow but found that herself grabbed by the hand and suddenly facing The Doctor.

Screw self control.

He wanted this.

He needed this.

He snaked an arm around her waist to hold her flush against him before leaning down and kissing her chastely at first before he became overwhelmed and started to kiss her more and more greedily.

He wanted more, but he forced himself away from her at arm's length but his hands still on her shoulders.

 

“Ah, I wanted to do it properly this time” he explained awkwardly looking away from her, a blush starting to develop.

“No complaints from me” she replied as she smiled at him affectionately.

“Really, I thought I would be on a receiving end of a slap right now” he admitted.

“Well the thought did cross my mind” Clara quipped.

He looked at her owlishly.

“Really” he replied cautiously.

“Oh, come here you.” She told him pulling him close and kissing him again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well what is it?  
> Has he really forgotten her or is he lying?  
> Well, hypothetically speaking will be dealing with the forgetting for this fanfic. I have to admit that I was tempted to leave it with the ending that I had (yay they kissed ^_^), but was just to perplexed (as everyone else is I thankfully see) by the season finale ending not to deal with it.  
> Now like this chapter at the start, I have only the bare bones written out at the moment, however I did get an idea as to how to finish this last week. (I just have to get it into the chapter now.)

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, my first full on Whouffaldi fanfic (God I love them both). Originally meant to be a one shot but I found the prospect of what happened before 'Under the Lake' and the aftermath too delicious not to write about.


End file.
